The Role of the Woman in a Marriage?? « For the Love of Blush, Cake & Romance

The Role of the Woman in a Marriage??

May 8, 2008 at 11:22 am | In Love & Marriage | 9 Comments
Tags: marriage, Men, Roles, Women

I’ve been having alot of girl get togethers these days and somehow the topic of conversation almost always ends up being about how to ensure “you’ve got your man” and how to “keep your marriage going strong”. Because of the high divorce rate, I’ve been extremely interested to listen into viewpoints of what make marriages work. More importantly, I like to listen to the older generation who are still happily married because they obviously know what it takes.

It’s starting to seem that only those who understand their place in the marriage are the ones who are making it. You listen to most of the people out there and the argument is all about “me” rather than “we” and ” I’m not being satisfied,” “this is so unfair to me,” etc…

But then you listen to those people who actually seem content in their marriage and they portray marriage as an acting of roles. Both men and women of these contented marriages agree that the man and the woman have traditional roles in a marriage and that’s what makes it work. These roles are the following:

The Man’s Role: To lead and represent the family, Work – Bring home the money, Make all financial and important decisions, Protect his family.
The Woman’s Role: To care for her family and especially her husband, To be the perfect image of the family by keeping herself beautiful and the best that she can be, To handle the home and keep up social activities.

Of course, there are a bunch more but the gist is the Man should be the Man and the Woman should be the Woman. Things start to mess up when one side steps into the territory of the other.

I still remember something I once heard from a very respected and successful man about his wife and why he’s happy in his marriage… “All I expected from my wife when I married her was to remain the most beautiful she could be, care for our house, keep me comforted and relaxed by not letting me worry about house and tedious matters and to maintain our social activities and image and she hasn’t failed me which is why I love and respect her so much. ” They don’t seem so madly in love but they respect each other so much. He continues to be fascinated by her looks and beauty and is so proud to have her by his side and she depends on him for her security and well being. It’s quite refreshing to see actually.

I don’t know, I haven’t figured out what I think the perfect formula to a marriage might be yet, but I’m leaning more towards the side of having “roles” in a marriage.

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I totally agree with the principle of roles in a marriage. The husband and the wife have completely different roles to play, both for the sake of keeping their marriage sturdy, balanced and healthy. Men and women must share equal RIGHTS in life; however, it would be ignorant to claim that men and women must share equal responsibilities as well. After all, a man’s brain is differently wired than that of a woman. Each is designed to handle different things in different ways with the former being more developed in some areas and the latter in other areas. This of course does not imply that a man cannot participate in a woman’s task and vice versa. The important thing is not to let exceptions become the rule. Each gender will perform better in areas they were meant to handle.
It’s quite apparent that the institution of marriage has seen dramatic fallbacks in the last few decades. I think it’s due to the decline in family and religious values in today’s societies. Divorce has become an option quickly to be favored in marriages we see today. One who is not brought up to live up to family and religious values will not be equipped to handle the challenges marriages hold. Patience, compromise, open mindedness and ethics are the tools required to handle the long rugged road of a married life. Those very tools are the ones that have the power to make the journey a success. No two people should get together before the above mentioned tools, along with love, friendship, trust and respect are established between them.

Comment by Hanx — May 8, 2008 #

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I think that the survival on any relationship (including marriage) is largely dependent on how much you are willing to put up with.

Old-school marriages work because they didn’t have all that much they had to worry about back then and could divide their roles more easily, it’s also because our parents/grandparents were willing to put up with each others flaws.

Most modern marriages involve two people who have alot to worry about both in and outside the marriage and all the demands of modern life coupled with having to deal with your other halfs flaws gets too much leading to divorce.

I also think that people expected alot less of their husbands/wives back then because life was simpler (socially, economically etc).

Comment by KTPD — May 8, 2008 #

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i agree with having roles

and no it doesn’t mean one person has to be inferior to the other.

but if u each had ur own roles u would run parallel to each other and keep the train moving, if not then you’ll jest end up crashing and burning!

Comment by eshda3wa — May 8, 2008 #

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One word in the article attracted my attention which is “Respect”, once a couple realize the meaning of this word and really act as it means their marriage will succeed, but we also have to take into consideration love as a basic condition for any successful relation.

Comment by Peter Pan — May 8, 2008 #

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Ok one essential thing people have to look at is that times have changed. Forget how successful marriages were “back then” and look at the present. Now I am not saying that defining roles is not important and successful marriage will most probably have the husband taking care of a few aspects and the wife the others. What has changed is that the world has become a smaller planet and you can easily travel from one place to another (dont forget also the media). What this means is that cultural values are diluted and you have more options to chose from. For me there is a couple of things that need to be done:

1- Compromise and patience without those two no marriage no matter how in love they are will work. These days people have grown selfish and as someone above said its “me” and not “we”.

2- Passion eventually will fade away and the only thing that will remain is respect for one another and a different kind of love will replace passion. Couples have to realise that they are a team and they should support and be there for each other. People again prefer to be there for their own selves.

The difference between back then and now is that people stuck with one another through the tough times, unfortunately now they prefer the easy way out and ask for a divorce. Every marriage, even the successful ones, pass through ups and downs. Will you fight for it when the time comes or will you abandon it as most people have?

Do I believe anything will change? I dont think so, I think it will get worse for the institution of marriage and I think we will find less and less people willing to put in the effort to make a marriage work simply cos there are many more options out there. Dont get me wrong I like that the world is smaller, that we can go practically anywhere we want to and watch the superbowl on satellite TV, but hey thats the price we pay for it.

Comment by Rabih — May 8, 2008 #

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While it’s true that for much of history one purpose of marriage has been to divide the labor of survival between individuals, it should be noted that the particular division you describe only goes back a couple hundred years at most and in most cases didn’t become a reality until the economic boom that followed WWII.

Let me suggest that instead of thinking about marriage in terms of roles, think about it in terms of individuals. A person and his or her spouse are each unique in his or her own right, and the relationship formed between them is unique. It would be better to focus on discovering the details of that unique relationship than to try and fit that relationship into roles that may not fit.

Comment by Bald Man — May 11, 2008 #

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ive been quiet intrigued by this artivle for a while..it took me a while ot comment n it because i wasnt sure aoubt what i really think about it..i think ive reached a conclusion though…i defenitly agree that there is role division in each marriage…i dont think this division demeans or belittles any of the 2 parties…however i dont believe the roles are fized..during ones life a lot of experiences and challenges are faced…when you decide to spend your life with someone you should be aware and ready for all the propects…i know of many succesful marriages that have the order of the roles mentioned in the article reversed..meaning the woman providing for the family temporarly or for a long period of time sometimes because of better opprotunities or because an accident the husband passed through…during the difficult times you both face each of you would have to be the mother,father,sister,brother and friend to your partner at one point…this is the beauty of companionship in my openion..the beauty of role adoption..life is very colorful and full of surprises..and the roles you will have to play have to face up to them

Comment by angel — May 19, 2008 #

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Divorce rates rose dramatically with the introduction of “no fault” divorce- people were more easily able to end marriages when the marriage was no longer fulfilling their needs. And…is that a bad thing? Do we really want to go back to a time when individual happiness was significantly less important than the economic foundation a marriage provided?

People are also living much, much longer today than they were a half century ago. So marriage and lifelong commitment has become a much longer commitment. With longer lives comes more time to grow and develop and change as an individual, so people who might have been compatible and in love at 25…might not work well together at 45.

It’s so easy to have a rosy-tinted view of the past, but it it helpful and instructive?

I think the key to a successful marriage includes clear ideas about who does what in maintaining the household. But it shouldn’t be based on “proper” or “natural” roles- it should be based on clear communication (and negotiation and compromise if necessary) between the individuals. There should be a foundation of respect and friendship. Sharing a hobby or passion together is also important. And recent studies suggest that positive interactions should outnumber negative ones by about 6 to 1.

I highly recommend the book “The Way We Never Were” by Stephanie Coontz.

Comment by Cat — May 20, 2008 #

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We are in a digital imaging class and would like to use your picture. Please send me an email if we can use this picture or not! Thank YOU

Comment by Christina & Aubrey — November 18, 2008 #

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