Session 3: The Big Secret: “The One reason that makes him lose interest in you”February 13, 2008 at 8:50 am | Posted in Guestwriters | 1 Comment
Tags: Love, Men, Mr. Big, Relationships
If you are new to this series, I suggest you go back the previous two sessions as we have established how a guy estimates what type of relationship he wants to have with a girl based on two variables: “Looks and Behavior”. We have also proven that whatever you score in terms of “Looks”, learning the right “Behavior” in a relationship is enough to make most men to want to have a serious long term relationship with you (go back and read it, it’s short, educational and fun). Of course you should never neglect your physical appearance because the more you obtain in that area, the easier it will be to easier for you to reach that invisible benchmark in most men’s head that makes them want to fall in love with you.
The Shocking Truth
Sigmund Freud determined that the human mind is separated into three factions, the Id, the Ego and the Super Ego. The Id otherwise known as our “Instinct”; The Super Ego represents our moral standards or “Conscience” and the Ego which act as a mediator between the Id and the Super Ego. The reason I am mentioning this particular theory is that the level of satisfaction of a man in a relationship is equal to the level that the relationship satisfies his instincts. This is translated in relationship terms to a feeling most of us know, knew or lost called “Passion”. Do you remember this short long-lost phase when you where the happiest person in the world in a perfect relationship and that everyone convinced you that this period disappears eventually and reality kicks in and women accept this fact? The shocking truth is that this universal “fact” is the biggest “fiction” ever created by men to hide their on going lack of interest in their respective relationships. Shame on them but are they the only ones to blame? Passion doesn’t disappear by itself; it’s murdered and while the secondary suspect is how most men fail to explain what’s making this murder take place because of their shy nature, the primary suspect is definitely women. Shocking and offensive, I know. You are probably thinking that I on the man’s side; let’s see. Although women intentions in relationships are much more sincere, deep and intense in general then men, it’s their ignorance in terms of what men’s “Instincts” really are and how the lack of understanding is what shatters the passion in relationships. Did you ever hear:” I did everything and he still left me “. No sweetie, you did everything you thought will make him happy and not what he really wanted you to do.
The “Mars vs. Venus” Concept.
Nowadays both genders strive most of the time in their “Conscience” state of mind which is defined as the tiresome essentials required for a healthy happy life such as money, work, diet, productivity, shopping, responsibilities, taxes, beauty care, insurance, diet, sports ……..But why: Why does a girl go on starvation and why do men strive to succeed in their career among thousand of other questions that can be asked in that form? Well the answer is simple and one: “Instinct Satisfaction”. Unfortunately the saying that “if women are from Mars, men are from Venus” in terms of “Instincts” can’t be more accurate, this how God created “us”, how Mr. Freud, Darwin…. defined “us” and how I will prove it in the following test.
Our instincts drive all of us to have sex – potentially to have children. But the way men and women go about this is very different. Let’s put it to the test. Take one of your male friends anywhere and both of you ask a simple same question: “Will you sleep with me?” One is you asking men and the other your male friend asking women. The results could not be more different and funny. While an average of three-quarters of the men will think it sound like a good idea, your male friend may return with bruises and water splashing all over his face and body or even end up in jail just for asking this same question.
A Match Made in Heaven
Women have two, conflicting instincts when choosing men. On the one hand, some women want males with Confidence, Sense of humor and Leonardo Di Caprio looks. On the other hand, women want men who’s Looks are based on protection (Tom Selleck, Mr. Big) which can materially provide for their families, commit to a long-term relationship, and enjoy interacting with children, a.k.a. “good relationship skills”. In wonderland, this translates to a woman wanting her man to treat like her a princess; to fight against great obstacles to reach her , to deliver her from dragons or a wicked witch of a stepmother or some other great danger, to marry her, and to live happily ever after. (If Only).
You can find a millions of books and articles teaching you the “HOW” to make him like you or what I like to call the “Million You -He “ theory in relationships.
You: 1. Feel confident….. 2. Learn to walk…..3. Learn to dance……4. Flirt like this…..5. Wear clothing that is…..5. Use a seductive tone…..6. Make eye contact……..7. Be mysterious…..8. Offer him a massage……….9. Ignore him for a little while…….. 10. Don’t talk during sex unless it’s dirty talk …………. 1,000,000. Touch him like …..
He: will be attracted to you.
Unlike women, men want to enjoy the present and become brainless when they enter their “Instincts” state of mind (Not a good point for us I know, but completely true). A man is “Thinking Animal” and most importantly, he wants to be treated like a “Thinking animal”. Fortunately for women, the “thinking” part or “conscience” occurs much more than the “Animal” side, but its satisfying the latter that determines how much of the fairly tale the girl will get.
What did I do wrong? The mistakes most women do in relationships, is that most of them learn the “HOW” and ignore the “WHEN” and the “WHAT NOT”. “WHEN”
Let’s start defining the “WHEN” or the timing mistakes most women do. When Men go in their “instinct” state also called pleasure, they don’t want to think, hear or be reminded of:
· Children’s bad grades when they are watching their favorite team playing football, it can hold till after the game.
· “Where are we in the relationship” when in a romantic evening. The word “Boom” describes the reaction best.
· Her or his work issues when he’s sitting next to her on the couch trying to relax after a hard day’s at work.
· The promises he made you concerning (…….) when you’re both taking your clothes off.
You get the point I hope.
Why is that so dangerous for relationship? Not mastering the “WHEN” will take the men out of his “Instinct” state (Bliss) to his “Conscience” state (normal). In man’s terms, it’s like falling from top of the hill back to the ground. The constant repetition of this behavior will make him not want to climb the hill anymore knowing there is a fall afterwards hence turning the relation from a “Passion” one to a “Passive” one then to a …………… one (fill the blanks).
The “WHAT NOT” or the “WHAT NOT TO DO” is as important as the “HOW” and the “WHEN” together, because it touches a man most important and sometimes stupid substance called “EGO”. Hurting a man’s ego is turning him from macho to chicken in his head and no man wants to be with a person that reminds him that he’s a sissy. And there is no cure for this.
If you didn’t, the deadliest “WHAT NOT” to do(s) are the following:
· Men are looking for a woman who will stick with them. Never slam him in front of family, colleagues and friends.
What you can do instead: Show your loyalty not only by remaining faithful by supporting your man in front of colleagues and friends and defending him when necessary. This allegiance will make your man more secure. Men want commitment just as much as women do; they just want it packaged differently.
· Men wish they had better bodies too. Let’s face it: Men may not worry about weight nearly as much as women do, but they do have their own image issues. Most men are quite concerned about their size*, general physical condition, height and baldness. In other words, they are hoping for mood lighting in and outside the bedroom just as much as women are.
What you can do instead: Help your man by telling him that you still find him attractive and show him affection.
· Women can be open about their sexual desires and complaints, thanks to “Sex and the City” (man’s biggest enemy), as long as they don’t relate these men’s weaknesses to other top performer males ex boyfriends, porn stars etc. Suddenly, the pressure to perform is turned on, and he can’t help but feel like he has to please you. Even though you might forgive him for a poor performance, he has a hard time forgiving himself.
What you can do instead: Just relax and try to enjoy, which will help to ease some of the pressure. In other words, don’t take it personally or, worse, insult him. And never point and laugh!
· Don’t fake it but don’t fight it. Never treat intimate time as a casual thing. For men, Sex is a source of power, and it gives proof that one is masculine. “To a man, having sex means that he can move a woman, that he’s an athlete, a provider and a lover”. Your guy wants to be a superhero, and he certainly wants you to see him that way. When he satisfies you, he feels like Superman. If you’re enjoying yourself, let him know that Lois Lane is happy. No encouragement means no mojo.
· Never cheat. Most men will not forgive a cheating girlfriend. Men, who have been betrayed, are far less likely to forgive their partners because of their big egos more than women in the same situation.
What you can do instead: well don’t cheat will be good as a start.
So if you are still wondering “The One reason makes him lose interest in you” is simply IGNORANCE.
The Magic Solution:
Sounds hard doesn’t it. Luckily for my readers, I have created a very simple technique that if used well, will assure that the passion between men and women never dies, but let’s keep the its details for our next session.
Please feel free to leave your feedback and comments or arguments on this session, I will answer all them. Previous Articles can be found in Mr. Big Speaks