An American who Moved to Dubai

April 22, 2008 at 4:34 pm | Posted in Eye on the Gulf | Leave a comment
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This story can’t be missed.  It’s HILARIOUS AND SO SO TRUE.  Thanx Bambina for sending me this mail.

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This following extract is taken from an American who moved to Dubai earlier this year…
April 30th:
Just got transferred to work and live in beautiful Dubai, UAE! WOW!!!
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It’s like New York City minus all the crocks, murderers, and drunks. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on my beautiful bedroom verandah. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

May 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 95 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an air- conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, and everything is fully air-conditioned. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.

May 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today around our lovely pool. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
Heat is no problem at all.

June 10th:
The temperature hasn’t been below 95 all week even during the night.
How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 90% of my body.
Missed 5 days of work. What a dumb thing to do in this lovely city. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
Kitty (our cat) sneaked into the car when I left for the office. By the time I got to the hot car for my lunch break, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $60,000 Audi. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fucking hair dryer in here!!!
And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner died. The fucking AC repairman charged 500 Dirhams just to drive over and tell me it was broken in fucking Hindu English or some language that I couldn’t understand.

July 30th:
Air conditioner still broken. Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now because it is 7000 fucking degrees inside. Bloody 2,000,000 Dirhams house and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Fuck the sun. Fuck the wind. Fuck the freakin’ ocean. And fucking locals walk around dressed in white tablecloths followed by little black female ninjas. Fucking crazy town.

August 4th:
It’s 114 fucking degrees today. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner fixed. It cost 2,000 fucking Dirhams and got the temperature down to 25, but the fucking humidity makes the house feel 30 fucking Dubai degrees. Stupid terrorist repairman. I hate this stupid fucking place.

August 8th:
If another local wiseass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to fucking whack him all the way back to his goddamn desert. Fucking Dubai; by the time I get to work with all that fucking traffic and heat, the car’s radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a baked cat!!!

August 9th:
Tried to run some errands today because it is fucking Friday. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in my Audi. The seat was so fucking hot I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fucking ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and a baked cat.

August 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fucking recording. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. Hot, humid and fucking sunny. It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman dude wearing the fucking white tablecloth on TV says it might really warm up next week. Does it ever rain in this damn fucking place? What is next, a fucking hell freezing over wave?

August 14th:
WELCOME TO HELL!!! Temperature got to 120 today. Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my fucking Audi. The fucking Audi serviceman said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ Fuck him and fuck Audi. My wife had to spend the 7,000 Dirham to bail my ass out of jail for assaulting that stupid fucking Paki bastard wiseass. Fuck Dubai! What kind of a sick demented fucking idiot would want to live in this shit hole?

August 15th: (Independence Day ?)
Fuck this place. I’m off back to New York

 

 

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