Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?! True or False

June 14, 2008 at 5:29 pm | Posted in Love & Marriage | 5 Comments
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I was watching the update interview with the girl who admitted to cheating on her husband on “The Moment of Truth,” and she said that her and her husband were still together trying to work it through.   But I can’t help but wonder what there is to work through.  I mean she cheated on him, she claimed that she should be married to her exboyfriend, she threw everything out the window for a quick buck on the show and HE HUGS HER AT THE END!!

Yes this is an extreme case but if you really look around, you will see cheating has become a widespread thing.  Not just among guys but also women.  I personally don’t understand how people can cheat on those that they love.  It’s not even something that even crosses my mind.  But then again I have not been married yet and haven’t put in the time.  But still, I am 100% sure I would never consider it because I like stability and once I’m stuck on something, that’s it. I’m not really one for change or added excitement.  And I’ve surely never been one for the hunt.  More importantly, I think it’s all about principle and faith.  What’s wrong is wrong and that’s the end of that.  That’s my viewpoint but I’m not one to judge others. 

The questions that always seem to come up in conversations amongst friends and can be watched over and over on TV shows are:

“should you give your spouse / lover another shot if he or she cheats on you”?  

“If someone cheated on you once before, what guarantees you that they won’t do it again”?

“what would you do if you had kids and you find out that your spouse is cheating on you? Leave or Stay”?

Honestly I don’t think I can tolerate a cheating spouse because it would create too much distrust even if they swore never to do it again plus it would hurt like hell.  If I had children, I’m not exactly sure what I would do but based on what I have seen, sacrificing for the kids and staying affects the kids just the same because they see the parents’ discomfort.  The only case for me in which I believe that forgiveness may be possible is if the spouse has given multiple requests to their spouse and has made it clear that their needs are not being fulfilled whether they are physical, emotional or mental.  In this case, it’s the fault of both.

But in the case of half of those people that go on Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer and Moment of Truth, HELL NO.  

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  1. i think if a person cheats without getting caught they’d cheaat and cheaaaaat and wouldnt stop cheating! BAS itha they get caught they could stop cheating for a while and go back to cheating or would stop.

  2. Interesting post. I have spent a lot of time over the past 15 years working with individuals and couples who go through infidelity. Interestingly enough most couples try to work through it the first time. There are many issues surrounding infidelity. For example, is cheating just sexual intercourse or does it include an emotional affair? How about viewing pornography behind your partner’s back? How about going to a topless bar? So first I would suppose you would have to define what an affair is. Next, I would say that someone who has had multiple affairs would certainly quality as someone who is NOT as likely to change. Conversely, someone who has had a single affair and shows genuine sorrow and contrition is much less likely to go back to having an affair. I really like Dr. Janis Abrams Spring book, “How Can I Forgive You” that describes a healthy way for couples to understand infidelity and forgiveness.

  3. Answers to posed questions:
    1. No.
    2. Nothing.
    3. Stay for the sake of the kids, and make life a living hell for the spouse. Im talking prison-hell.

    Label me bitter if you want 🙂 But if history’s taught us anything about relationships in marriage its this: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

    The exclusivity of marriage lends itself a certain degree of responsibility. When pre-marital relationships exist between soon-to-be husband and wife, and one of which engages in matters viewed as betrayal, its all good. They aren’t hitched yet and are free to do as they wish until some solid arrangement is met.
    The problem is that such pre-marital actions give the wrong-doer a false sense of security and the impression that it’s ok to indulge in such activities. Therein lies the true reason for marriages being wrecked. One says to the other “Oh! Im sorry I shouldn’t have done that” based on the assumption that “Hey! I was forgiven before. He/she will forgive me again”
    But that in no way is true and, if anything, shows how stupid such a spouse is to have given a cheating partner a chance in marriage when history has taught the kindhearted that the future spouse will cheat.

  4. 1. No, unless someone slipped a date rape pill into his shay 7aleeb.
    2. Nothing guarantees it won’t happen again, unless someone slipped him a date rape pill.
    3. It’s up to YOU to decide whether you can deal with it or not. A decision shouldn’t be made for the sake of something or someone else, because you true inner feelings will resonate.

  5. Based on my experience, the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” holds true. My spouse is one. And currently, he ended up with a cheater who has a Korean boyfriend at the same time. It’s okay for both of them.
    We have kids together. I have given him an option for my sister in the Islands to take care of them. My brother came for that purpose but the father of my kids opted to take care of them. Now that my brother has gone home, the cheating spouse calls on me to let me have the kids, can’t watch them.
    I wish him all the luck with the new girl. I’ve prepped her and she’s willing to take him regardless of his past.

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